I have babies!

Teeny tiny baby worms! I have no idea why they moved to the lid, but it made them easy to video 🙂 lol I am so excited. I sent the video to my son, at college. He’s a very tolerant kid! I’m setting up some clean bedding but now I am afraid to change it out because the babies are too little. Ahhh the hassles of mommyhood.

 

I should also be getting my 6, 90 qt clear bins for winter gardening. I have 6 big bags of composting potting soil and will be laying the bag on the lid, slicing it open, and planting lettuce and collards and kale and swiss chard, then putting the bin on top to protect the baby plants from frost and snow and cold temps. Since we are in Zone 8, this should work.

One day I made fig jam and strawberry-balsamic jam. Good stuff.

I’ve found a worsted weight yarn sock pattern to give to a couple of friends who’d like to learn to knit socks. Simple and fast. I started another pair to give as a gift for Christmas. I also sent my adopted niece a fair isle hat with kitty’s on it and finished another one with robots for my son. G took his hat, off to college with him. Another finished hat has cars and busses and words. I have an assortment of yarn coming. to practice colorwork with. All the hats and scarves and ear warmers and hand warmers found a home with a local charity. I filled out a form to volunteer 2 weeks ago and haven’t heard a word. I really need to have something to keep my mind busy. My hands are busy, but I have more ideas than physical ability. Oh yeah, the blue hats were sent to my grandsons. And I got my hair cut.

 

 

I got fitted for my teeth – an upper plate, and a partial lower plate. Can’t wait to get them. And I guess this is it for tonight.

The Tale (maybe called TMI)

I just watched a movie called The Tale. with Laura Dern. The story told,  is my exact experience. Almost word for word. The girl in the movie was 13. I was 9. I always felt what happened to me was my fault,  even into my 30’s. I just buried it. How can abuse like this happen to children? Yeah, we get over things – but they shape how we look at people and how we feel and there is a chasm of disconnect all life long. It shadows a person and keeps one separate and isolated. I wonder how we really heal from sexual abuse – I mean, more than just being able to look at it and talk about it – I used to think that THAT was healing, but not really. It never goes away. The movie brought out the manipulation that happens; how the child is brought into the act and convinced to participate. The lie swallows her and cajoles her into believing she loves the abuser.  The SECRET becomes her cleft of protection from the sickness, the shame, and the anger projected on the people involved. There was a family unit that was sick and an un-mother who is angry as well. She blames the girl because she lied and the child cringes from that blame and points out the signs that were ignored. Someone should have known and saved her. YEARS after, the whole situation makes the woman STILL stand alone because mom failed to protect her … and there is so much guilt. So much guilt. It’s always the mother who is looked at and accused.

There is nothing that can be fixed, except the silence of the secret. Confrontation can’t be avoided.

Big breath.

I wonder if we can ever FACE the monster in the room – and shut it down and choke it out. The moment I wrote this last line, the VINE came to my mind.

I’m thinking of the way a vine can come in and do just that – choke out a root and take over. And another growth is established. Just planting something else, a tree, or bush or flowers or anything besides a vine won’t work. Only a vine can take over like that.

And the Bible says

John 15:1
I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.

John 15:5
⁵ I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

And all of a sudden, I realized that there IS healing and that God is good and Jesus really is our savior in every sense.

 

It’s been a while…

Sorry about that.

Things got a bit hectic with G going off to college. Change is a hard thing in a house with a stroke survivor. Then we had the almost category 4 hurricane to get through – it missed us, praise God! And now I am undoing the preps I made. So much water! In jugs, jars, 32-gallon garbage cans – lol we prepared. All it did was lightly rain on us for 6.5 days. No flooding. No high winds. Just rain. Hubby had crying jags because the Internet was out for 4 days. When he’d cry, the dogs would go off barking at him. It was awful for all of us. I did catch up on my Bible group’s reading plan.

And that’s it for now. I’m not feeling the blog at the moment but will work on that, too.

Just a little bit of ordinary

[Today was uneventful. It rained and stayed cool enough I was able to leave the front door open. I straightened up a bit and watched the finale of The 12 Monkeys. I knit on a sock a bit. It’s finally to the point I can begin the gusset. This is a boring pair of socks.]

I have to laugh at myself because it’s what I do. Every day is uneventful and simple and ordinary and I LOVE IT that way. Life could have been a whole lot worse after hubby’s stroke. It’s still very difficult for him, but it’s manageable.

My last kiddo is leaving for college come Thursday. I am struggling not to be a weepy mess and rain on his achievement. North Carolina Chapel Hill is ranked number 4 for Public National Universities in the whole country and he has a paid for education on his plate. Not a shabby deal at all. I really am proud of him and I am really going to miss him.

We have had weeks of gray skies, high heat, and rain. My tower is no longer impressive. I couldn’t keep DE on the plants to deter insects and tiny white w/black speckled caterpillers have drilled holes in all the young cucumbers. Hornworms have attacked the tomatoes, but I’m dealing with those. This may be my trial garden so I know what I am doing come next spring. There will definitely be a tower for greens and lettuce, I may even plant corn to support tomatoes in the top, squash midway, and cucumbers at the bottom because they vine and need the shade of the zucchinis. I was thinking of running netting from the top of the barrel, out, and staking it to hold up the squash, and letting the cukes do their thing around the base. I will plan for plastic fencing around the 3 towers to keep the dogs away 🙂 I’m going to draw out my ideas so I can do it right next spring.

I’ve had to re-pot the herbs I started out in quart jars. The babies grew heavy roots, FAST.  Since I last wrote, I’ve propagated rosemary, wandering jew, and am working yet again, on a piece of elderberry bush for a friend. I picked up several baby houseplants from Piggly Wiggly. There’s one each of a prayer plant, heartleaf philodendron, a cathedral bells (air plant), a spider plant, several hens and chicks in one pot, an aloe vera, and a rubber plant. With the indoor ones I already had, there are now 29 kinds with repeats of several.  That doesn’t count the vegetables in planters under grow lights – collards, spinach, chard, green onions, radishes, ginger, baby bokchoi, kale… and something I’m sure I’ve forgotten.

The worms have settled nicely into their 17-gallon bin. I had a gnat problem which has been dealt with. I cut the legs off a pair of jeans with a busted zipper, split them lengthwise, and laid them over the top of the paper and food and bedding. Gnats, gone. Hubby started putting his banana peels and used napkins into my compost bucket on the counter and it got super wet and I cannot bear to open the lid again lol. I do believe THAT container is a goner.  I now keep a 2-gallon bag in the freezer into which I put the vege scraps. When it’s time to use them, freezing is supposed to break stuff down and give the worms a good start. Now I can add coffee grounds and tea bags and all the good stuff without the stink. There are answers for everything when you are looking for them 🙂

Things to be careful of – the cat bites the dumb cane plant which seems to numb her tongue. She does it once a day, regardless. She will climb into the bin of potting soil and lay on it if I step away for ANY reason. She has also knocked newly potted plants off dresser tops and the soil with amendments like charcoal, have stained the cream colored carpet. GRRRR… When the remake of the movie “That Darn Cat” is made, I’m taking Kissy for a screen test. She’s as ornery as they come. And, she barks!

 

 

 

 

 

Mother’s Day

Another one, come and gone. A text and a 3-word voice message from the oldest. 2 rings – so I must have been out of service range. She shut her phone off after that. Sweet calls from two of the other girls, a hubby meltdown, and a hug from Geoffrey. I had a pretty good cry at church, which I attended alone. I ate a cheese biscuit at church and had stuffing at home. Blew my keto for another week. I guess if I were my kids, I wouldn’t want to talk to me either. I’m not enjoying my life at the moment. That has got to change.

Not loosing

I’ve been Keto since September 2017. I lost 20 lbs by January and nothing else. I’m really wanting to tweak this diet plan for myself. Hubby wants to stop eating meat. I kinda do too. This morning, my first tweak is to change coffee cup size. I’m going from a huge mug to a small 10oz cup. I will still have HWC in it but cut out the extra fat. I will still make it 2-3 times a day. I don’t tell myself ‘no’ well. So I am beginning with a cup-sized change.

Busyness

I’m making yogurt in the #IP  (Instant Pot) this morning. Sixty-six oz of coconut cream (two, 33oz boxes), 5 probiotic capsules, and a packet of unflavored gelatin to help with the thickness. My IP has a yogurt setting. I poured both boxes of coconut cream in, put the lid on and pressed the button twice. The ip brought the cc to a boil, and I added the packet of unflavored gelatin powder to a separate bowl, stirred until it was mixed well enough, then strained it into the hot coconut cream. Stirred again and set up my thermometer to let me know when it gets to be 115 degrees so I can add in the probiotic – I’ll whisk as I add it.  Then I set the timer on the yogurt setting of the #ip for 20 hours. I’ve got seven, 4 oz yogurt glasses for individual servings, and the rest will go into a quart jar. Refrigerate the jars for 24 hrs, then use as you like. I stir chia seeds or ground flax meal into my morning yogurt. Love it!

Here’s the other things I’ve been working on – knitted headbands, hats and scarves for anyone who needs them – I’m still looking for a charity locally. I gave our Pastor one of the scarves the other night. I have a new diagonal patterned scarf on the needles. 🙂

Hubby has been ok, but he becomes so depressed when he thinks about his troubles. They are awful burdens to bear, but he has to do it. I can’t coddle the depression.

The sunshine is starting to resemble springtime. I love daylight savings time. I’m a fan of dark morning hours and long days. I stay up longer. My body is wired to sleep when it’s dark. I’m beginning to plan my containers for herbs and veggies. It’s so exciting when I can put my hands in the dirt!

 

 

 

Flip

I have decided to flip my meals today. I had a small bp coffee with my leftover ground beef, celery, and spinach cooked in EVVO for breakfast. It’s late morning and I have black chai with a tsp of Erythritol. At about 4:30, I’ve planned an omelet and a  large bp coffee to see me through until tomorrow morning.

Things have been very stressful with my husband’s health issues. I pray we find a solution for his elimination issues. The screaming and crying are simply hitting their limit.

Today is our 19th Wedding Anniversary. Happy, happy us.

Keto Bread

Here’s tonight’s project . . . I think I need a little bread!

Keto Bread – Pork Rind Nearly No Carb Bread

just a snapshot of a piece of a day…

Hubby woke me up early today. He wanted coffee, breakfast, the trash taken out, and his mustache and nails trimmed back. He started to give me more jobs and I caught myself pick at him for turning on lights. “Stop it, Amber (yes, I talk to myself like that).”  I I realized I just wanted to drink MY coffee – it was cold by then. We sat for his recording of Laramie. I wonder sometimes what it is about men and old westerns? I got him settled enough that he could take his shower and shave. Then I got ready to head out on an errand of my own.

I stopped by the Dollar Store as requested by my girlfriend and I stayed so we could talk for a few minutes. Some things suck as you get older – there’s no getting around them. Her husband’s dying of cancer and he’s approaching his last days. I haven’t seen Gilbert in a week or so and he’s very frail; 86 lbs. There’s not much of him left. Hospice has told her it won’t be long. I thought he was in his 70’s but he’s only 67.  I spoke with him for a moment and told him Steve says hello. He would have said it if he could have. I told Yvonne a bit of what to expect once her husband passes. She didn’t know the body voids after death. I expect she’ll call me when he gets close to the end. I get a bit pensive at times like this. I’ve been present at seven deaths. As hard as it is, it’s also an incredible honor.

Next, I hit the grocery store for the couple things I needed. I found uncured bacon on clearance for $3.29. I always buy it all when I get a markdown on bacon! Three packs for the freezer is a smart deal. I think I’ll make garlicky brussel sprouts with bacon and cheese, and a piece of salmon for dinner. The guys are having Beef Sausage, mac & cheese, and fresh green beans and biscuits.

I’ve turned on Dune to play in the background while I blog and clean.

I began a scarf last night to donate with my pile of knitted hats and headbands. I need to find a charity. I stumbled across a pdf of Rocky Mount charities. I may contact one or two. I’ve been wanting to volunteer for something local and it’s a good starting place.

My Kissy kitty is full of piss and vinegar – that’s Steve’s saying, lol

I have the rest of my day planned out to engage in miscellaneous idleness.  Cool phrase, don’t you think? Miscellaneous idleness – I know there was a time I’d have called most of what I do ‘a waste.’ Now, it’s just what I do.  It’s living. Every day is open for other things, as needed. Dishes if I feel like it;  laundry, probably. Cooking and knitting – of course. Just stuff.